The Mc. Donald's Prototype

Alright, so we are all aware of that initial zumba when Mc. Donald’s just came in Ahmedabad. Yes! When going to Mc. Donald’s wasn’t about cheap hangouts, but the coolest thing imaginable. Fickle? Yes! But then, we Indians have always loved Videsi Maal (and No! I don’t mean Sunny Leone, you Idiots!)

Today, Mc. Donald’s is part of our growing food culture, right next to our panipuris and choley bhatureys. I mean they did start a Mc. Aloo tikki at 25 bucks and put some masala over a truly American French fires, that gotta earn them some respect! Clearly, the way to each one of our hearts is through teasing that extra Spicy Masala Hindustani in each one of us. So yes, Mr. Obama! FDI in retail? Trying hovering on some desi tadka over it and am sure, even a rather unflavoured Sitaram Yechury would oblige.

So, while I swear by my Veggie burger with medium fries, extra chilli sauce and a coke float that there isn’t an end to my Mc. Donald’s obsession, there is also a rather unnerving cultural paradigm set now with the rise in number of people preferring a Dhaba over a posh ambience or the rather disturbing Organic food frenzy and the even annoying Food Exhibitions which serve raw meat with fancy names and call it some fancy Sushi! Gawd! I hate when they make stuff up! I mean Come On! Our bodies have already gone through a lot- work, study, emotional gimmicks, mental agony and what not! Give us a break! We deserve Junk Food! The society owes it to us!

And yes! No KFCs, Uncle Sam’s or other Big Daddys could ever get me over Mc. Donald’s. Why u ask? Because no matter how arrogantly I’ll order, I know I’ll always get some fries with that and THAT! people, is what we call comfort food, Food that makes you feel better, when no human interactions suffice!

Anyway, so with all these years of my Mc. Donald’s obsession and my ritualistic writing, I now bring to you my list of the Mc. Donald’s prototype- the people you’ll almost always bump into, at Mc. Donald’s.

The Khasta Boyfriend and the Fatka Girlfriend: A Kaamchalaau Love story!

Not that am against bringing a date to Mc. Donald’s, but these guys just get on your nerves after a point, with their cheesy conversations and how they can never make up their mind on what to order, while there are legions of us, hungry and pissed, waiting to place our orders.

The excessively noisy “I –want- everything- on- the- menu- and-Chota bheem –bhi!” 5 year olds, clutching onto their Puh-pppa’s trousers, while he reluctantly obliges.

The sales reps, in for a quick bite, who know exactly what to order and how much it costs, with no extra fries or mayo, no matter how much those caps smile back at’em . These guys clearly need to lose a bone!

The clown-make-up-yet- ardently- cold –aunties, who keep pecking the attendants about almost every other annoying question that there could ever be. Right from, “ Menu toh aapo!” (“Give us a menu atleast”) to “Aaama thi veg kayu ney non-veg kayu? Amney veg item-j aapjo huh!” (“Which among these are veg and which ones are non-veg? I’ll only have the vegetarian ones”) and the annoyingly persistant, “Ketchup kya mukyu tamey? Ek jagya badhi vastu mukta hoy to” (“Where do u guys keep the ketchup? Would have been better if you guys keep it all at one place”)

The Aloo Tikkians: This would usually be the very budget conscious, not giving a shit about the Happy Meals or the extra fries with a free coke. Usually, a lean lanky laid back guy, handing over a 100 rupee bill only to change it for a Mc. Aloo Tikki. They usually arrive as individuals and never stay longer than the last bite and neither do they suck up to the attendants for extra ketchup or goodies!

But, aaah! The first timers! Those are the best. The sight of the first serve of the fluffy burger with extra cheese and mayo decked over a junior high kid. Man! The world feels like a better place already.

And right then, sitting under perfect isolation, in the farthest corner, occupying a seat of two with her diary and backpack would be an earnest fan, who values each moment of her stay, because she knows she’ll get exactly what she wants and it’ll taste exactly the way she remembered it to be. None too spicy or none over-done. She’ll soon set out to follow her crucial yet very orthodox routine in order to gulp that first bite. She carefully opens the pack of burger, tears open two sachets of tomato and chilli sauce, exactly to the left of the burger over the packed foil. She exclusively places her coke (no ice!) next to the tissues over at right, pulls over her fries away from the burger and drink to keep them from getting soggy and only when she’s convinced of her unkempt ritual, does she take her very first bite.

Yes! You won’t bump into someone like her more often and yes! She’s a coffee day girl stuck over her junk food obsessions, but if you do happen to spot her and many like her, just let them be, because chances are she’s too busy taking down notes or probably blogging about you at a Mc. Donald’s nearby!

Mind It!
Picture Courtsey: www.cutorcopy.com

Dear Mc Donald's cashier, Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, Don't forget the toy. ~ Anonymous